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A dyslexic man walks into a bra... [Joke thread]

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#1 Dispatchio

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 01:27 am

A thread devoted to your favourite jokes! Remember, please stick to forum rules and try to keep things relatively clean and inoffensive. If one of your jokes gets edited out, please don't take it the wrong way :)

With that said, here are a few of my favourite rib ticklers:

1. Two whales walk into a bar and sit down.
The first one says to the other: "OOoooooOOOooooooooooOOOOoOOoOoo".
The second one replies: "Frank, you're drunk."

2. I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?

3. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for fresh prints.

4. What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.

5. I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high.
She looked surprised.. :w00t:
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#2 Rob

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 08:18 am

What do you call a singing laptop?


Adele
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#3 Toglos

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 01:07 pm

I have nothing that isn't offensive...

Wait how did the chewing gum get across the road...

it was stuck to the chickens foot.
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#4 Rabar69

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 01:32 pm

Did you hear about the Blonde who got a pair of water-skis?

She is still looking for a lake with a slope.
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#5 Keefikus

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Posted 20 March 2012 - 05:22 pm

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NO SACRIFICE, NO VICTORY! 

καμία θυσία δεν νίκη 


#6 elyan

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Posted 21 December 2012 - 08:29 am


A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
One day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her romps. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet.
The little boy says, "It's dark in here."
The man whispers, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover end up in the closet together.
Boy - "It's dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - Remembering last time, asks, "How much?"
Boy - "$750."
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That's way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "It's dark in here."
The priest says, "You have to be fucking kidding me!"


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#7 Emmure

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Posted 21 December 2012 - 10:52 am

Take a truck full of bread to Africa and then say its for the duck's in the pond.
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#8 Aspeh

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Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:48 pm

Why did the pervert cross the road?
- Coz he couldn't get his nob out of the chicken.

(DkR really need a sub-forum for highly offensive adult-only sweary filth and people who don't get offended, where complaints are deleted... then the real jokes can be shared!) :D
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Alex / Aspeh - He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know.

#9 elyan

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 05:51 am

Over Christmas I went to the zoo.

All it had was a dog.

It was a shitzu.....
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#10 elyan

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Posted 02 January 2013 - 06:46 am

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carol that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Darling, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carol agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eights hours of life left. He touched Carol's shoulder and said, "Darling please? Just one more time before I die?" She agreed, and then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, lay there awake and listened to the clock ticking in his head, tossing and turning until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Darling, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen, I'm not being funny Barry, but I have to get up in the morning and you don't!"


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